Covenant and Chaos: Fin's Spiritual Musings

I’m not here to convert anyone. Jews don’t proselytize. That’s not our way. We argue with G-d, wrestle with mystery, and light candles in the dark. I’m not trying to prove I’m right, or to gather followers, or to sound enlightened. I’m just a gay trans Jew who’s walked through fire, who’s found holiness in the ashes, and who believes that sacred things are worth speaking aloud—even if the world doesn’t always understand.

I share my spirituality because it’s been part of my healing. I converted to Judaism in 2024 after years of searching, dreaming, and nearly dying—after years of wrestling with G-d through trauma, addiction, queerness, neurodivergence, and the feeling of being a soul with no homeland. My Hebrew name is Zev, “wolf,” and like the wolf, I’m a bit wild and feral.

You see, the reality of my Jewish life doesn’t fit neatly into what people expect. In 2025 my roommate and I had to move after her divorce and our financial reality meant we ended up in a rural area about an hour from the nearest shul. I don't drive and live nowhere near public transit lines, which makes regular in-person community largely inaccessible. Even when I can get there via taxi, it’s complicated. I am post-Zionist: I believe Israel's government is committing genocide, I want justice for Palestine and I want Israeli Jews and Palestinians to work towards healing and peaceful co-existence; said closest shul prays for the IDF every week. So for now, my Jewish life is lived at home—at my table, with my candles, in my own prayers and rituals, and will remain that way until/unless I can move someplace more liberal with more progressive shuls.

My spiritual practice also includes things that many Jews would find unfamiliar or uncomfortable.

I am still a proud Jew who believes the traditions and culture of my people are beautiful and worth preserving. I keep kosher-style. I do a low-key Shabbat. I observe the holidays. I observe tznius in my own way. I pray. I believe in Hashem—though some days it’s complicated. Some days I feel held and like Hashem's got my back; some days I’m not sure anyone is listening.

But also, I practice what I call Jewitchery—spirituality that honors both my Jewish identity and my past connection to Pagan traditions. I have a devotional relationship with Santa Muerte. I believe I have a guardian angel and have interacted with him. I still feel deeply connected to the rhythms of the moon and the seasons. I don’t worship anyone but Hashem, but I am an animist—I experience the presence of G-d in nature, in wind and water and growing things, and I enjoy folklore and art of beings like fae and gnomes.

My partner Andy is a Druid and devotee of Tyr, and I'm OK with that. We respect each other's paths, and it's also interesting to get different perspectives on the Divine as well as see where they overlap.

I know some will side-eye or reject me outright. That’s okay. Judaism has always contained argument, tension, contradiction. I’m not claiming that my way is the way. I’m saying it’s a way—mine.

I’m not sharing to be performative. I’m sharing because this is how I process grief and longing and revelation. Because this is how I talk to the Divine—through poetry and songs, through ritual, through pixels and prayers. I don’t offer answers. I offer stories. Fragments. Lantern light. A soft howl in the distance that says, you’re not alone.

​I also use this space to discuss the Israel-Palestine conflict, because it burdens my soul, and there are some informative pieces that were originally written for Andy and the other Gentiles in my life who've expressed curiosity about Jewish concepts and holidays and other things, and might be interesting to you too, though obvious disclaimer I'm just a nerdy layperson who studies my ass off and not any kind of authority.

If something here resonates with your path—whether you're Jewish, Pagan, something in between, or something else entirely—I’m honored.
​And if it doesn’t, that’s okay too.

Here I am: Jew and witch, mystic and skeptic, sacred and scarred.

All religions are branches of one big tree. It doesn't matter what you call Him just as long as you call. The Lord is in everything that’s in creation. So, when you look at a tree, it’s really a reflection of G-d. You see it in other people – that’s Him too, you know? ― George Harrison
You will see light in the darkness
You will make some sense of this
When you've made your secret journey
You will find this love you miss
―"Secret Journey", The Police
It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you free to neglect it.
(Pirkei Avot 2:16)
 Essays: 2025



Essays: 2026
​
​Ex-Christian Corner



Personal
​
​
Nerdery


Observations
​

Rituals and Magick


​
Stories [Midrash Aggadah]

​