Falling
[September 12, 2025]
In June, both of my senior cats (16 years old) — Shams and his sister MooMoo — were diagnosed with chronic kidney disease at their annual exams. MooMoo’s is in its early stages, but Shams was already much further along, hovering between stage 2 and stage 3. Yesterday [September 11], when my roommate and I took him in for his three-month recheck, we found out he now also has congestive heart failure, two conditions that are hard to treat together as treating one exacerbates the other. The vet gave him a prognosis of only a couple months.
I don’t want to selfishly hold on and make him suffer, and I know he’ll let us know when it’s time. For now, though, it isn’t — and I’m trying to make him comfortable, to make every day count. Still, it tears at me. Shams isn’t just my cat; he feels like my son.
This song by David Tibet (Current 93), recorded in Iceland in the 1980s with Hilmar Örn Hilmarsson (HÖH — now the allsherjargoði, or chief goði, of Ásatrúarfélagið, the official Ásatrú church of Iceland), and Björk on backing vocals, has been in my head. Its sound evokes mythological eschatologies — Ragnarök among them — and it feels right for this moment. Because this is my own personal Ragnarök.
[EDIT: Shams took a turn for the worst 2 days later.]
I don’t want to selfishly hold on and make him suffer, and I know he’ll let us know when it’s time. For now, though, it isn’t — and I’m trying to make him comfortable, to make every day count. Still, it tears at me. Shams isn’t just my cat; he feels like my son.
This song by David Tibet (Current 93), recorded in Iceland in the 1980s with Hilmar Örn Hilmarsson (HÖH — now the allsherjargoði, or chief goði, of Ásatrúarfélagið, the official Ásatrú church of Iceland), and Björk on backing vocals, has been in my head. Its sound evokes mythological eschatologies — Ragnarök among them — and it feels right for this moment. Because this is my own personal Ragnarök.
[EDIT: Shams took a turn for the worst 2 days later.]
The starlight has faded
The lamplight is dimming
And silence is growing
All around
All around
The voice are stopping
Eyesight fading too
All around
We're covered by wind
Covered by wind
And if the universe
Should decide to stop
What then?
What then?
The starlight has faded
The lamplight is dimming
And all around
We're covered by wind
The shadows slide
Down the mountains
The clouds
Now have blocked out the sun
The shadows have
Blocked out the sun
And if the universe
Should decide to stop
What then?
What then?
What then?
The shadows move
Down the side of the valleys
Hovering
Too close to home
Too close to home
"Falling", Current 93 with HÖH and Björk
The lamplight is dimming
And silence is growing
All around
All around
The voice are stopping
Eyesight fading too
All around
We're covered by wind
Covered by wind
And if the universe
Should decide to stop
What then?
What then?
The starlight has faded
The lamplight is dimming
And all around
We're covered by wind
The shadows slide
Down the mountains
The clouds
Now have blocked out the sun
The shadows have
Blocked out the sun
And if the universe
Should decide to stop
What then?
What then?
What then?
The shadows move
Down the side of the valleys
Hovering
Too close to home
Too close to home
"Falling", Current 93 with HÖH and Björk
