Prayer
My people are said to argue or wrestle with Hashem, and I did a lot of that when I hit rock bottom in spring 2024 just before I got sober in May 2024, and then for the first 90-180 days of sobriety. From the beginning it's been hard - I was born breech and almost died, and have had several brushes with death since then and have... been through a lot of other trauma... and for a long time I was really mad at the Powers That Be that I was still fucking alive.
When I got out of a week inpatient in June 2024 I played "Prayer" by Disturbed on repeat which I feel is a uniquely Jewish song-prayer [David Draiman is Jewish], being Very Angry With Hashem and yet still calling out. I have a complicated relationship with G-d, a lot of my prayers are just me yelling and swearing, including/especially at my life going up in flames so many times, but after the ash and the smoke there was light.
I made this in March 2025, using my "Fin mk1" avi [before I began putting my actual face on things, this uses an AI mockup of my face from 2024].
When I got out of a week inpatient in June 2024 I played "Prayer" by Disturbed on repeat which I feel is a uniquely Jewish song-prayer [David Draiman is Jewish], being Very Angry With Hashem and yet still calling out. I have a complicated relationship with G-d, a lot of my prayers are just me yelling and swearing, including/especially at my life going up in flames so many times, but after the ash and the smoke there was light.
I made this in March 2025, using my "Fin mk1" avi [before I began putting my actual face on things, this uses an AI mockup of my face from 2024].
Another dream that will never come true
Just to compliment your sorrow
Another life that I've taken from you
A gift to add on to your pain and suffering
Another truth you can never believe
Has crippled you completely
All the cries you're beginning to hear
Trapped in your mind, and the sound is deafening
Let me enlighten you
This is the way I pray
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough
Take everything away
Another nightmare about to come true
Will manifest tomorrow
Another love that I've taken from you
Lost in time, on the edge of suffering
Another taste of the evil I breed
Will level you completely
Bring to life everything that you fear
Live in the dark, and the world is threatening
Let me enlighten you
This is the way I pray
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough
Take everything away
Return to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, leave me no one
Turn to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, cast aside
Return to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, leave me no one
Turn to me, return to me, return to me, you've made me turn away
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough,
They take everything from you
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough
Take everything away
Just to compliment your sorrow
Another life that I've taken from you
A gift to add on to your pain and suffering
Another truth you can never believe
Has crippled you completely
All the cries you're beginning to hear
Trapped in your mind, and the sound is deafening
Let me enlighten you
This is the way I pray
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough
Take everything away
Another nightmare about to come true
Will manifest tomorrow
Another love that I've taken from you
Lost in time, on the edge of suffering
Another taste of the evil I breed
Will level you completely
Bring to life everything that you fear
Live in the dark, and the world is threatening
Let me enlighten you
This is the way I pray
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough
Take everything away
Return to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, leave me no one
Turn to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, cast aside
Return to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, leave me no one
Turn to me, return to me, return to me, you've made me turn away
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough,
They take everything from you
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough
Take everything away
