The Gobsmacked II
Snorb’s first ship, The Gobsmacked, was banned from three oceans for “crimes against architecture.” So naturally, he built the Gobsmacked II.
This time, he doubled down on mistakes: sails stitched upside down (“for aerodynamics,” he claimed), cannons bolted backwards (“for sneak attacks”), and a banana figurehead because “bananas don’t sink, mate.”
His crew is a rogues’ gallery of misfits: one-eyed parrots, a cook who only makes soup out of seawater, and an orc who thinks he’s the ship’s figurehead and refuses to leave the prow. And yet, the Gobsmacked II is feared.
Why? Because every time she fires her backwards cannons, something explodes. Sometimes it’s the enemy. Sometimes it’s an ally. Sometimes it’s the moon.
Once, Snorb fired a broadside meant for a merchant sloop (he missed, naturally) and instead collapsed a lighthouse three islands over.
Another time, his anchor (the infamous “rock-on-a-rope”) got caught in the clouds and dragged down half a storm. Sailors whisper that he once accidentally sank a ghost ship just by sneezing too hard.
And yet… he always survives. He calls it “Snorbanomics”: if you’re too stupid to predict, even Fate gets confused.
"Upside sails and backwards guns,
Banana prow outshines the suns.
Chaos reigns, and logic’s cracked
By Gobsmacked II, you’ll be attacked!"
This time, he doubled down on mistakes: sails stitched upside down (“for aerodynamics,” he claimed), cannons bolted backwards (“for sneak attacks”), and a banana figurehead because “bananas don’t sink, mate.”
His crew is a rogues’ gallery of misfits: one-eyed parrots, a cook who only makes soup out of seawater, and an orc who thinks he’s the ship’s figurehead and refuses to leave the prow. And yet, the Gobsmacked II is feared.
Why? Because every time she fires her backwards cannons, something explodes. Sometimes it’s the enemy. Sometimes it’s an ally. Sometimes it’s the moon.
Once, Snorb fired a broadside meant for a merchant sloop (he missed, naturally) and instead collapsed a lighthouse three islands over.
Another time, his anchor (the infamous “rock-on-a-rope”) got caught in the clouds and dragged down half a storm. Sailors whisper that he once accidentally sank a ghost ship just by sneezing too hard.
And yet… he always survives. He calls it “Snorbanomics”: if you’re too stupid to predict, even Fate gets confused.
"Upside sails and backwards guns,
Banana prow outshines the suns.
Chaos reigns, and logic’s cracked
By Gobsmacked II, you’ll be attacked!"
