Too Fabulous To Sleep
(A story of sparkles, sass, and a deeply threatened Hades)
The Underworld was dim.
Candles flickered softly.
The Minotaur was journaling again. Medusa was doing a 10-step nighttime skincare ritual. Nessie was humming loch lullabies. The Banshee had finally stopped screaming and was now sulking under a weighted blanket.
And then...
A blast of light.
A chime.
And the sound of a high-pitched voice yelling:
“HELLLOOOOOOO DARLINGS! IT’S UNICORN O’CLOCK!!”
---
Enter: the Unicorn.
Covered head to tail in iridescent sparkles.
Wearing pink satin footie pajamas with little embroidered stars and a functional butt-flap.
Mane braided into perfect spirals, each one colour-coordinated.
A tiny sleep mask perched just above their horn.
And a mug that said “Too Magical For Mortals” in rhinestones.
---
Hades burst in a moment later, robes askew, holding what remained of his last nerve like a fragile biscuit.
“Oh no,” he groaned, already rubbing his temples.
“Not again.”
---
“Darling,” said the Unicorn, fluttering lashes, “your aesthetic is looking extra ‘brooding accountant’ tonight. Very bold.”
“I’m not brooding. I’m tired.”
“Exactly. That’s what I said.”
---
The Unicorn pirouetted dramatically into the lounge, leaving a trail of edible glitter in their wake.
Cerberus licked the glitter trail and immediately started vibrating.
The Banshee hissed from beneath her blanket.
Medusa said, “If you get sparkles on my skincare station, I will scream louder than her.”
---
The Unicorn flopped onto the nearest velvet chaise with all the drama of a fainting debutante.
“I brought vision boards and marshmallows shaped like emotionally distant exes!”
“Why are they crying?” asked the Minotaur, gently poking one with a spoon.
“They’re soft.” the Unicorn declared. “Like your soul, sweetheart.”
---
Hades returned ten minutes later holding a scroll labeled “Glitter Containment Protocols” and a broom made of brambles.
“Clean it up. I mean it.”
The Unicorn just winked.
“Babe, the only thing I sweep is awards.”
---
Eventually, they settled.
Sort of.
The Unicorn snuggled into a sequined sleeping bag that occasionally neighed.
Everyone was on edge.
Hades sat in the corner, sipping his third ambrosia-charged espresso, muttering,
“I was a king. A god. A power beyond mortal comprehension. And now I’m babysitting sparkle horses.”
---
Still...
As the lights dimmed and the stars blinked above the Underworld dome…
The Unicorn whispered,
“Goodnight, darlings. Remember, you’re all magical enough. Even Hades. Kind of.”
And maybe.. just maybe... everyone slept a little better.
Except Cerberus, who kept chasing glitter ducks in his sleep.
Candles flickered softly.
The Minotaur was journaling again. Medusa was doing a 10-step nighttime skincare ritual. Nessie was humming loch lullabies. The Banshee had finally stopped screaming and was now sulking under a weighted blanket.
And then...
A blast of light.
A chime.
And the sound of a high-pitched voice yelling:
“HELLLOOOOOOO DARLINGS! IT’S UNICORN O’CLOCK!!”
---
Enter: the Unicorn.
Covered head to tail in iridescent sparkles.
Wearing pink satin footie pajamas with little embroidered stars and a functional butt-flap.
Mane braided into perfect spirals, each one colour-coordinated.
A tiny sleep mask perched just above their horn.
And a mug that said “Too Magical For Mortals” in rhinestones.
---
Hades burst in a moment later, robes askew, holding what remained of his last nerve like a fragile biscuit.
“Oh no,” he groaned, already rubbing his temples.
“Not again.”
---
“Darling,” said the Unicorn, fluttering lashes, “your aesthetic is looking extra ‘brooding accountant’ tonight. Very bold.”
“I’m not brooding. I’m tired.”
“Exactly. That’s what I said.”
---
The Unicorn pirouetted dramatically into the lounge, leaving a trail of edible glitter in their wake.
Cerberus licked the glitter trail and immediately started vibrating.
The Banshee hissed from beneath her blanket.
Medusa said, “If you get sparkles on my skincare station, I will scream louder than her.”
---
The Unicorn flopped onto the nearest velvet chaise with all the drama of a fainting debutante.
“I brought vision boards and marshmallows shaped like emotionally distant exes!”
“Why are they crying?” asked the Minotaur, gently poking one with a spoon.
“They’re soft.” the Unicorn declared. “Like your soul, sweetheart.”
---
Hades returned ten minutes later holding a scroll labeled “Glitter Containment Protocols” and a broom made of brambles.
“Clean it up. I mean it.”
The Unicorn just winked.
“Babe, the only thing I sweep is awards.”
---
Eventually, they settled.
Sort of.
The Unicorn snuggled into a sequined sleeping bag that occasionally neighed.
Everyone was on edge.
Hades sat in the corner, sipping his third ambrosia-charged espresso, muttering,
“I was a king. A god. A power beyond mortal comprehension. And now I’m babysitting sparkle horses.”
---
Still...
As the lights dimmed and the stars blinked above the Underworld dome…
The Unicorn whispered,
“Goodnight, darlings. Remember, you’re all magical enough. Even Hades. Kind of.”
And maybe.. just maybe... everyone slept a little better.
Except Cerberus, who kept chasing glitter ducks in his sleep.
